I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
