you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
