I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
