Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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