Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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