I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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