My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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