Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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