this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
