i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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