Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
