We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
