Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As shirtless as possible
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
