I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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