...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize