I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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