i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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