woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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