I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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