Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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