YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
