So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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