turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
