I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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