I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
