your parents love me but you hate me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
