we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
