well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
