Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
