She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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