I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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