Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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