So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's the barista slut.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
