just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
