One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
