Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
