So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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