That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
