Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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