I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
