help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
