Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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