just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
