I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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