the condom got lost in my hair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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