yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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