very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
