How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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