People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
