can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize