do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize