omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
