The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
