I think scott just propositioned me for sex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
