I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
