I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
