What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
