So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
