I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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