I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
