Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
