There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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