i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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