you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
