Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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