Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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