I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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