This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize