so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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