This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
