I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Enjoy the penises
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
