Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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