Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
