Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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