i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
