oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
