i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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