Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize