I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
