I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
