Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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