i would punch a child for taco bell
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is Oprah even human
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
