Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
