I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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