now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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