i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
