The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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