if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
