I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
