i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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