this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
