God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
