i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize